Rock Star: Music & Lyrics Book 1 Read online

“No, I haven’t forgotten, but it’s been five years and I’m here and doing what I love and just about to have all my dreams come true.” Stevie shrugged. “Don’t you think it’s time I forgave him?”

  Darla watched her over the rim of her glasses. “He’s never going to give you what you want, you know,” she said. “He doesn’t have it in him.”

  “What is that supposed to mean?”

  “It means that you want the fairy tale. The white picket fence and the doting husband and the two point five kids and the dog.”

  “Excuse me? I think you have me confused with yourself. I want to sing, I want to be on stage under the bright lights and have people screaming my name and singing my lyrics back to me.”

  “Yeah and then you want to go home to your nice cozy house with your adoring husband so he can rub your feet and tell you how wonderful you are. You’re not going to get that with Nate. Hell, you’ve probably gotten everything from him already. Fucking him, quick and dirty, in the studio doesn’t mean a goddamned thing. He’s probably got another lay waiting for him at home. Don’t confuse sex with love Stevie.”

  “Who the hell do you think you are?” Stevie yelled at Darla. “What gives you the right to tell me what I want? Just because you married the perfect man and had the perfect children and are living the perfect life doesn’t give you the right to judge me—”

  “Stop it,” Darla said. “Stop it before you say something you can’t take back. I love you Stevie and I’m just trying to stop you from getting hurt. You have a blind spot a mile wide when it comes to this man. He’s no good for your career and he’s no damn good for you personally either.”

  ‘That song, Darla, that song is all him. How can you say he’s no good for my career when he came to me with that solid gold piece of brilliance—”

  “It’s one fucking song, haven’t you written thousands? Wasn’t his entire first album all your songs? Haven’t you got a charting track right now that he had absolutely nothing to do with? He needs you, not the other way around—”

  “That’s not fair—”

  “Of course it’s not, nothing in life is fair. Don’t you think it’s awfully convenient that just when his career is tanking and yours is skyrocketing that he comes crawling back to you?”

  “What are you trying to say? That he’s using me—”

  “Ding ding ding, give the girl a prize. Of course he’s fucking using you and if he can fuck you—”

  “Enough!” Stevie was breathing hard and nauseous. Darla had been her best friend since grade school and they had never had a fight like this. “You think I’m no better than all the other women that Nate has slept with, that I don’t have enough self-respect to keep control over my panties when he’s in the room? Do you really think so little of me? What if it was me that jumped him? What if I wanted this just because I wanted it, that I had an itch that needed to be scratched? Did you ever think of that? Did you ever think that maybe I was just using him to get me off because I wanted it?”

  Darla started to speak, but Stevie cut her off with a hand. “You’ve had your say, now let me have mine. You may think you know who I am, but you don’t. I don’t want all that white-picket fence shit, and I never have. Do I want a husband and a family, yeah, sure, but not until I have made my mark in country music. If I’d wanted that, I could’ve had it. If I’d wanted the adoring husband and the perfect house, I would’ve accepted Carson’s proposal. But it’s not what I want, not right now, not when everything I’ve worked for is within my grasp. Don’t go projecting your shit onto me, Darla. If you aren’t happy in your life then change it, don’t try and hold me back so that we can be miserable together.”

  Darla’s eyes got big and round behind her glasses and Stevie saw the tears gather at the corner of her eyes.

  “Oh god,” she said, sliding down the wall to sit on the floor. “I’m so unhappy.”

  Stevie sat next to her, leaning against the wall beside her friend and reaching for her hand. “Is it Tom—”

  “No, God no,” she said, sniffling. “Tom is so perfect. It’s me. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I love my babies, but I resent them too, you know? I feel so guilty, like the worst mom in the world, but I feel suffocated whenever I’m around them. Tom doesn’t understand, but he tries. I see the look on his face when I’m having a meltdown and I know he feels helpless and it makes me angry and then guilty and then so damned depressed.”

  “Oh honey,” Stevie said, drawing Darla into a hug. “I had no idea. Have you talked to someone about it? Your doctor?”

  “I’m too scared to,” she said. “What if it’s all in my head? What if I’m going crazy? What if they take my babies away from me?”

  “Sweetie, you need help and I’ll wager you’re not the only one who has felt like this. Haven’t you ever heard of post-partum depression? There are people out there that can help you and it doesn’t mean you’re a bad mom. It’s all chemical and has nothing whatsoever to do with your ability to raise your kids.”

  They were quiet for a while, the only sound Darla’s quiet sniffling and the thump of the music coming through the walls from the bar.

  “How’d you get so smart?” Darla asked, bumping Stevie with her shoulder.

  “You know I’ve always been smarter than you,” Stevie replied, relieved that Darla seemed to be coming back to herself. “Come on,” she said, standing up and helping Darla get back to her feet. “Let’s go back out there and get drunk.”

  “I can’t, I’m still breastfeeding—”

  “Shit, okay, then let’s get me drunk and you can live vicariously through me.”

  “Can I make you drink all the pretty cocktails that I wish I could drink but can’t?”

  Stevie grimaced. “Will it make you feel better?”

  Darla smiled. “Damn straight it will. I’ve had my eye on that blue one—”

  Stevie rolled her eyes and led Darla from the bathroom, willing to drink whatever she had to in order to keep Darla happy.

  Nate watched Darla and Stevie come back to the table and knew that something had gone on in the bathroom. They were walking with linked arms and he hoped that didn’t mean that she’d let Darla talk her out of what he had planned for them for the rest of the night.

  He also saw how the other men in the bar followed Stevie with their eyes and it stabbed him in the gut. He’d told Stevie that they could do this secret affair thing, but already he was regretting it… not the affair, god no, just the secret thing. He wanted everybody to know that she was his, even if it was only a temporary thing. For now, she was his, and that’s all that mattered. He didn’t want other men looking at her and imagining her sweaty and naked beneath them. Only he was allowed to imagine that and he wanted to knock the image out of every damn bastard in the place so that it stayed his and his alone.

  He was also running out of patience. He wanted her again, now. The desire to get his hands on her, to lay her down on his bed and feast on her was rubbing his nerves raw. How could they sit here, surrounded by their friends when there was something more important they could be doing? He needed to touch her, kiss her, run his hands through her hair and over her soft skin. He needed that more than he wanted to be sitting here.

  “Tom,” he said, getting the other man’s attention, “where are the twins tonight?”

  “We have a nanny traveling with us,” he said. “They’re at Stevie’s place.”

  Nate nodded and sipped his beer. “How long since you and Darla had a night to yourselves?”

  Tom shook his head. “Not since before the twins were born,” he said and a pained expression crossed his face. “Darla hasn’t felt comfortable leaving them.”

  Nate dug in his pocket and pulled out a hotel keycard. “Here,” he said, handing it to Tom. “Take this, take your wife and take some time for yourselves.”

  Tom looked from the key to Nate, his eyes round and disbelieving. “Really? Where will you stay—”

  Nate chuckled. “It’s not mi
ne,” he said, “I have an apartment here in town. I got this for you and Darla as a thank you.”

  “For what?”

  “For looking after Stevie all these years. I know what I did was shitty, but you guys made sure she was okay and I’m grateful for that. So, go, have fun.”

  Tom clapped him on the shoulder. “We love Stevie,” he said, “and you’re right. What you did was shitty, so don’t do it again. You nearly broke her last time. She didn’t sing for over twelve months. She gave up on all her dreams because of what you did. She managed to find her way back, but if you hurt her again it won’t go well for you.”

  “I know,” Nate said, holding Tom’s gaze. “I have no intention of hurting her, I promise.”

  Tom searched his eyes for a moment before nodding and standing, holding his hand out to Darla. “Come on sweet thing,” he said, “I have a surprise for you.”

  Darla stood, her eyes wide. “A surprise?”

  Tom dangled the room key and then leant in to whisper something in her ear before kissing her deeply. Nate exchanged a look with Stevie and her eyes sparkled causing his dick to harden instantly. It was time to leave and to spend some quality time with her, getting to know her all over again.

  They waved goodbye to Darla and Tom and Nate swallowed the rest of his beer.

  “Nate’s agreed to join the label,” Derek said to Stevie and her band.

  Stevie raised her eyebrows. “Really?” she asked, her eyes darting between him and Derek.

  “Yep,” Nate nodded. “After this album is finished and I’ve completed my obligations with Rocksteady, I’m jumping ship.”

  “That’s great news,” Nadine said. “Have you come up with a name yet?”

  Derek just smiled and Nadine laughed, shaking her head.

  “All will be revealed,” Derek said mysteriously. “There are just a few things that I need to get in place first before we go public.”

  “Can’t wait,” Nate said standing and stretching. “I’m beat, so I’m going to head home. See you all tomorrow?”

  He made his way through the crowded bar until he got out into the cool night air. He stopped just outside the bar and took a deep breath, clearing his lungs of the heavy air from inside. He wasn’t sure whether he should wait for her or just leave. What if she’d changed her mind? Should he go back in and make an excuse for them to leave together?

  “Hey cowboy,” a voice said from behind him and he turned, pulling her into his arms.

  “I wasn’t sure—”

  She didn’t let him finish, reaching up to capture his lips in a hot kiss. “Take me home,” she whispered in his ear.

  “With pleasure,” he replied, taking another taste of her lips before guiding her towards his car.

  Chapter Seventeen

  “That was a really nice thing you did for Tom and Darla,” Stevie said as he drove them towards his apartment.

  He shrugged and she watched the way his fingers tightened on the wheel. “It was the least I could do and it bought me some alone time with you.” He turned and wiggled his eyebrows at her.

  She laughed. “Well, it was still a nice thing for you to do. Darla needs it, more than she’s willing to acknowledge.”

  His eyebrows furrowed and he took a quick glance at her. “Is everything all right with them?” he asked.

  “Yeah, I’m just worried about her. Having twins has gotta be rough.”

  He nodded but didn’t say anything. One of his hands left the wheel and found hers, he wove his fingers between hers and squeezed. “You’re a good friend,” he said.

  It was her turn to shrug. “Darla and I have been best friends forever. She’s always been there for me when I needed her, but I don’t think I’ve been as reciprocal.”

  He squeezed her hand again before letting it go so he could downshift and turn into his parking garage. Stevie dropped her head back into the seat as he parked and she took a deep breath. She wanted this, she did, but she didn’t want to fall for him. Despite what she’d said to Darla, this had the potential to be more than just scratching an itch, but Nate had hurt her and she needed to remember that. She needed to remember that he left and that he would always leave.

  He opened her door and helped her out, drawing her close to kiss her tenderly.

  “It was so hard to keep my hands off you tonight,” he murmured, kissing down her neck. “I wanted everyone to know that we were together.”

  She pulled back, “Nate, we can’t—”

  “I know, sweetheart,” he said, kissing her objections away, “but that doesn’t mean the caveman part of my brain doesn't want to stake my claim on you.”

  It should have upset her that he felt that way, but with his lips doing incredible things to her neck and the warmth and the strength of his arms around her, she had to admit that she wouldn’t mind staking her claim on him either. Women’s eyes followed him wherever he went and it would be nice to show them that he was hers, even if it was only for a moment in time.

  He dragged his lips away from her and led her to the elevator. Once inside he continued his seductive assault on her senses, nibbling at the sensitive skin below her ear and skimming his fingers perilously close to the side of her breasts, but not quite making contacting, which drove her almost to distraction.

  The doors opened and he guided her to his door, opening it quickly and pulling her into his apartment, letting the door close behind him. God she felt good as he pressed himself against her. She could feel the ridges of his back muscles as she clung tightly to him. He kissed her deeply, his tongue owning her mouth, filling her and stealing her breath and any rational thought that might have risen up to stop what was about to happen.

  “Bed,” he said as he ground his pelvis into her.

  He lifted her, carrying her down the hall and into his bedroom, without releasing her lips from his. He laid her down on his bed and she looked up at him in the dim light, seeing something reflected in his eyes that was dangerous, too dangerous for either of them to acknowledge. He stripped her bare before removing his own clothes and then lying down next to her on the bed. They lay facing each other, the city lights coming through the window enough to illuminate their bodies. The heat of his body warmed her and she couldn’t stop herself from touching him, stroking over his skin, tracing the contours of the dips and rises of is muscles and letting his warmth permeate her.

  “You are so beautiful,” he whispered as he traced a finger down her shoulder and over the swell of her breast.

  “You don’t have to butter me up with compliments, Nate,” she said, shy under his intense perusal of her body.

  “I’m not,” he said, tipping her chin up so that she had no choice but to look him in the eye. “You are beautiful and I’m a damned fool for not seeing it years ago.”

  She closed her eyes, not wanting him to see the hurt and the hope that fought for control inside her. He kissed her, softly, sliding his lips gently across hers as his finger glided down her throat and between her breasts, coming to rest on her navel. He traced small circles on her belly as he languidly made love to her mouth and Stevie would’ve been quite happy to do that all night long.

  He shifted and rolled her to her back as he kissed a trail down her neck, raising himself up on his elbow as he dipped his head to suck one of her tight nipples into his mouth. She arched her back involuntarily, the sensation shooting straight to her core as he suckled. His other hand coasted over her skin, gently squeezing her other nipple before continuing down her body, skimming over her hip before tracing the crease where her leg met her pelvis. She parted her legs, giving him room and permission, but he didn’t take it, not immediately. He continued to suckle her nipple and trace circles on the inside of her thigh, in no rush to give her what she needed.

  “Nate.” She drew out his name on a breath, rocking her hips up, trying to find something to satisfy her. She reached out with her hand and closed her fingers around his rock hard shaft. His let go of her nipple and hissed, turning his face i
nto her shoulder as he thrust into her hand. She squeezed as she slid her hand along his length and then let go to cup the tender sack beneath his cock, sliding her fingers between his thighs and pressing gently.

  He groaned and slid his fingers between her soft folds which were slick with her wet heat. His fingers were long and dexterous, thanks to his guitar playing, and he made full use of them as he found that elusive spot inside her that made her cry out.

  Nate was enthralled with her. He still couldn’t reconcile that this was the same Stevie that had been his friend and performance partner for years. How had he never known that under the jeans and the t-shirts was a woman who lit him up in more ways than anyone else ever had?

  “Nate,” she breathed as he continued to feast on her delectable nipples. She had a seriously nice set of tits and it would be remiss of him not to show them the proper worship.

  He loved the sound of his name on her lips, another thing that he’d never noticed before. Was five years really so long that she was like a completely new person to him? Or had he been just so wrapped up in himself that he just hadn’t noticed? Familiarity breeding contempt and all that.

  Her fingers squeezed him as she dragged her hand down his shaft and the past was forgotten, her demanding touch pulling all his focus. His fingers found her centre and he groaned as her internal muscles clamped around his digits, drawing him in. He let go of her nipple with a soft pop and found her mouth, needing to swallow her cries, needing to steal her breath.

  He rolled them over so that he was on top of her, his pelvis cradled against hers. He slid his cock through her drenched folds, not entering her, not yet, but coating himself with her scent. Her fingers dug into his shoulders and he could feel the rough patches of callous as she scraped them down his back. She didn’t have long nails, it wasn’t conducive to all the instruments she played, but if she had, he was sure she would’ve drawn blood.

  He didn’t mind. The small counterpoint of pain only enhanced the pleasure and he ground his erection into her in response.