Songbird: Music & Lyrics Book 2 Read online

  “Come on,” he said, slapping him again to get him moving.

  Wade opened the door of his trailer and Derek practically pushed him up the stairs and through the door. Nate collapsed on one of the bench seats and dropped his head between his knees, dragging in big lungfuls of air. Someone handed him a bottle of water, the cap already removed, and he drank greedily. When the dizziness had subsided and he felt he could breathe again, he looked up. Derek and Wade were both staring at him with pity in their eyes. Fabulous. Just what he needed from the head of his new record label and his agent…pity.

  Mabel burst through the trailer door and the attention mercifully moved from Nate. She looked ready to burst and a smile split her mouth which was not something they saw every day on Mabel’s face.

  “‘No Good for Me’ just hit number eight in the charts!”

  Nate jumped to his feet. “What?”

  The song had debuted only a couple of days ago to coincide with the first show of Lily Ames ‘Long Hot Summer’ tour. It was credited as a Court’n Jacks song featuring Nate Nash and they would be playing it on the tour with Lily. Nate had already seen a recording from the first show where Stevie and Jace had killed it as a duet. They didn’t need him, it would seem.

  “How is that even possible? We don’t even have a video.”

  “I had the guys at the studio splice some of the footage together from your recording sessions.”

  Nate remembered only too well the last recording session they’d had and he hoped to hell that they had remembered to turn off the video equipment at the end of the song. He and Stevie had fucked each other senseless after everyone else left. Hopefully that hadn’t been caught on camera.

  “Yeah, but CMT is screaming for a real clip. Marci has already been blowing up my phone hoping we can schedule something next week when you’re in the same city as the tour.” Mabel looked at him expectantly.

  He blew out a breath and slumped back on his seat. He didn’t want to see Stevie, not yet anyway. He still hadn’t spoken to her since the night he left her high and dry at the gig. They’d left to start their tour the next day and Nate had been too chicken shit to do any damage control.

  “Just get some shots from the tour,” Nate said, running his hand through his hair and closing his eyes.

  “No way, man,” Derek said shaking his big, bald head. “This song is the shit and we need to respect it with a clip that everyone will go nuts over. We want to YouTube the shit out of it.”

  “Maybe you should check with Court’n Jacks before you go making plans. I don’t think they’ll be too cool with having me back on the scene.”

  “I’ve already spoken to Marci,” Mabel said, getting in his face. “They’re fine with it, it’s you that’s being the pussy here. Grow up, put your big boy panties on and get a clue. This is your chance and I am not going to let you fuck it up.”

  Mabel was a short little thing with curves for days. She had dimples when she smiled and looked like a fucking kewpie doll. By looking at her it was easy to assume that she was sweet and shy. Except the one thing Mabel wasn’t was sweet. She was a bulldog with a mouth that would make even a sailor blush. She didn’t take Nate’s crap and didn’t blink before telling him where to shove his whining and complaints. She was nothing like Gina, who did nothing but blow smoke up his ass for five long years. Mabel was what he needed in his life to get him the hell out of his depression and back on with the job of rebuilding his career.

  “Do you think sharks go about whining and complaining because their girlfriends were mean to them? No, they don’t. They get up and they go around biting shit and reminding everyone that they’re a goddam fucking shark. It’s time to be a shark Nate.”

  “Fine,” he replied, pushing to his feet and pacing the small space that felt even smaller now with the four of them in it. “Fine. Set it up. Just don’t expect me and Stevie to get on. I know she’s pissed at me and that woman can hold a grudge for long god-dammed time.”

  “You haven’t told her yet?” Derek asked.

  “No,” he said with a huff, “I assumed you would.”

  “You’re an asshole Nate Nash,” Mabel said, throwing her hands in the air.

  Derek just shook his head and Wade stared at Nate like he had grown a second head.

  “She doesn’t know why you didn’t show that night?” Wade asked.

  “No,” he snapped. “I’m going to lie down and try and get some rest before my set.”

  He stormed down the short hallway and slammed the door behind him before collapsing on the bed. He wasn’t ready to face Stevie yet, not until he got his shit together and his shit was definitely not yet together. He was even more nervous now about the set tonight. He could hurt their song if he bombed and then it would be another reason for Stevie to hate his guts. Just what he needed; to hand her more ammunition to annihilate him with.

  He rolled onto his back and tried to do some deep breathing exercises. He could hear the deep rumble of Derek’s voice and the higher pitched one of Mabel, but he couldn’t make out what they were saying. He knew they thought he was a pussy bitch and that was fine because the truth was, he was indeed a fucking pussy bitch who was terrified of fucking up his last chance at making something of himself. He knew he would have absolutely no chance with Stevie unless he could prove to her that he was a different guy than the one who left her stranded five years ago. His greatest fear was that he wouldn’t be able to do it. It had been that fear that had led him to making all the absolutely horrendous decisions in his career, which had led him here to the cesspool he now found himself in. He was crippled with fear that everyone in his life had been right about him and that he was destined for ordinary. Fear that he would never be enough. He had been given a second chance to prove himself and he was grateful, but it also added a new fear to the others that circulated his brain. What if he was never good enough? What if he was never worthy of having Stevie in his life?

  Chapter Two

  Stevie was tired. Everything ached. She was sure that even her hair hurt. But she was also having the most fun of her life. Sure, the tour bus was cramped and the days were long, but none of that mattered. Stevie was living her dream and it was better than she could ever imagine.

  They had been gone two weeks and life had settled into a predictable pattern…well, as much as it could when you were on tour. Lily was a workhorse and Stevie was learning a lot from the country music star. They didn't really get to see much of one another, but that was okay. Just watching the way she handled sound check and fan meet-and-greets, and back to back concerts was a lesson in and of itself.

  Court’n Jacks fan base was growing with each concert. It was a rush to hear the audience sing their songs back to them, but nothing beat walking out onto that stage and looking out into a stadium full of screaming fans. She knew they weren't there for her, but she felt their love all the same. Stevie knew without a doubt that this was what she had been born to do.

  Marci walked onto the bus and Stevie looked up from where she was strumming her guitar. They had a bit of downtime - no concert tonight - and they had already arrived at their next stop. Vanessa and Nadine had disappeared to God knew where; they'd been suffering serious cabin fever and Stevie was glad they were out of her hair. Jace was somewhere with the tech crew trying learn everything there was to know about the rig they were working with. It was a cut-down version of Lily’s, but that didn't stop Jace from wanting to know more about it and what they could do to change it up a bit.

  “Hey,” Stevie said, putting her guitar aside and smiling at her agent. “What’s up?”

  “‘No Good for Me’ is at number eight.”

  Stevie smiled sadly. There was a bittersweet feeling that came with the success of the song. She missed Nate, although she would never admit it to anyone. This was their shared success and it had felt like a second chance for them, but he'd run away again before they could fully experience the success together.

  “That's great,” she said w
ith a sigh.

  Marci quirked and eyebrow at her. “You okay?”

  “Just tired,” Stevie replied.

  “That got anything to do with not hearing from Nate?”

  Stevie huffed out a bark of laughter. “That obvious?”

  Marci sat down beside her. “Yeah. Kinda.”

  “I just wish I knew what happened. He just disappeared with no warning and…” Stevie shrugged. “I thought he'd grown up, I thought he would be different this time.”

  Marci bit the corner of her lip and looked like she was stopping herself from saying something.

  “Out with it,” Stevie said.

  “We’re meeting up with him next week to film a video,” she said quickly. “Derek has it all set up.”

  Stevie’s skin buzzed and she felt a little light-headed. She would be seeing Nate again in a few days and she had no idea what she was going to say to him. Part of her wanted to punch him but another part of her wanted to throw herself into his arms and forget everything that had happened.

  “And I have other news,” Marci went on. “He signed over all the rights to you and the band. ‘No Good for Me’ is officially a Court’n Jacks song featuring Nate Nash.”

  Stevie blew out a breath slowly. Nate had told her he was going to do it. He’d promised them top billing when he approached them to record with him, but after the way he bailed on them that last night, she wasn't sure he was going to go through with it.

  “And,” Marci continued, “the album he was working on? He's not giving it to Rocksteady.”

  “Doesn't he owe them an album?”

  “He found a loop hole,” she said. “He owes them an album, but it doesn't have to be new material. He's releasing a greatest hits album and cutting ties with them. He signed with Derek officially and his new album will be under Derek’s new label.”

  Stevie smiled. A genuine smile this time. She hadn't let herself dwell on what it meant that Nate hadn't turned up to their gig that night, but she'd had an undercurrent of worry that he'd thought going it on his own would be too hard. She worried that he was having second thoughts about leaving Rocksteady, so this was good news. She was stupidly proud of him. It was a big step and it showed that he was changing.

  “I think I know why he didn't come that night,” Marci said softly.

  Stevie turned to look at her questioningly.

  Marci shrugged. “I don't know for sure, but I think it might have been for you.”

  “For me?”

  Marci nodded. “It was a gift. The contract for the song was signed that night. I also reckon that the contract with Derek was signed that night too. I don't know for sure, but I get the feeling he made some major decisions that night.”

  “Yeah, well I wish he would have told me.”

  “I think he was doing it for you. I think he was setting you free so that you could finally have what you always wanted without his shadow getting in the way.”

  “Nate Nash isn't that selfless,” Stevie said, her tone harsher than she meant it to be. “He came to us, he needed us. What changed to make him walk away from using us to help relaunch his career? Something else had to have happened for him to just walk away without even a phone call or a text.”

  Stevie was still angry at him. She was pissed at him for walking away from the gig, but she was even more pissed about him walking away from her and from what they had begun to build between them. It hurt. It felt like yet another betrayal. And yet she still missed him so much it hurt.

  Vanessa and Nadine stumbled onto the bus a few hours later. They clung to each other and giggled like a couple of two year olds up to no good.

  “Look,” Nadine said shoving her left arm in Stevie’s face. “We got tattoos.”

  It was a stunning tattoo. It covered her entire inside forearm, from wrist to the bend of her elbow. It was a violin, the artistry incredibly detailed. The scroll and peg box rested on her wrist and the neck moved down her arm. The curve of the upper bout was sensuous and reminiscent of the female form. As the tattoo got to the f holes, the violin began to fracture, the rest of it disintegrating and the pieces taking first the form of musical notes and then butterflies that wrapped around her arm at the elbow as they flew away. It was awash with color; the soft walnut of the body of the violin deepening and darkening to a rich purple and violet of the butterflies.

  The skin surrounding the ink was red and angry, and shiny with ointment that covered and soothed the abused skin. Stevie looked up into the defiant eyes of Nadine and was speechless. Jace was going to pitch a pink fit when he saw it and it wasn’t exactly something she could hide, not in this summer heat. Nadine’s eyes dared Stevie to say something, but she smiled instead.

  “It’s gorgeous,” Stevie said and truthfully it was. She looked at Vanessa then, “What did you get?”

  Vanessa shrugged and her cheeks flushed as she showed Stevie her wrist. It was a tiny little pair of crossed drumsticks woven with ivy. It was cute and small and the leather cuff that Vanessa usually wore when she drummed would hide it completely.

  “I like it,” Stevie said, grinning up at her.

  Vanessa smiled and took her arm back, cradling it against her chest as if it still hurt. Nadine flicked her hair over her shoulder and Stevie caught a flash of color in the dark locks.

  “You get hair extensions too?” she asked a little jealous that they hadn’t invited her on their adventures.

  It was Vanessa’s turn to look defiant. “Yeah,” she said, pulling her long dark hair over her shoulder and showing off the turquoise hair extensions the same color as her drum kit. Nadine’s were purple and violet like the butterflies on her tattoo, the purple color close to the color of her electric violin.

  “I’m jealous,” Stevie said, flicking her own blonde hair over her shoulder.

  Vanessa flopped down beside her while Nadine started opening the cupboard doors in the little kitchenette.

  “It was spur of the moment,” she said. “We would have asked you to come if we knew you wanted to. Your hair would look awesome with some hot pink in it.”

  “Thanks,” Stevie said. “What are you looking for Nadine?”

  Nadine whipped around and shrugged.

  “There’s nothing to drink in this place,” she said with a huff and hopped up onto the small counter.

  “There’s water and sodas in the cooler,” Stevie said and Nadine rolled her eyes.

  “I was after something a little stronger.”

  Stevie raised her eyebrows but didn’t say anything. She kind of felt like the parent who was always saying no and they were only two weeks into the tour.

  “What?” Nadine asked. “The last two weeks have been nothing but work, work and more work. It’s our day off and I wanna have some fun.”

  “I didn’t say anything,” Stevie replied, picking up her phone and hoping her refusal to engage would defuse the situation. Nadine seemed like she was itching for a fight. All she needed to do was wait until Jace came back to the bus and saw her new tattoo. She would get the fight she wanted then.

  Nadine slipped off the counter and tossed her head. “I’m going to find a bar, you coming Ness?”

  Vanessa looked between Stevie and Nadine and Stevie knew she wanted her to come too, but Nadine was spoiling for trouble and the last thing Stevie wanted was to get mixed up in Nadine’s little bit of rebellion.

  “You go,” Stevie said with a weak smile. “I’m just working on some new songs. I don’t feel like being around people right now.”

  Vanessa got up slowly but she nodded. “Okay.”

  Stevie breathed a sigh of relief when they left but she still felt unsettled. Nadine had always had a bit of a wild streak in her, but getting a tattoo? That seemed out of character even for her. Restless, Stevie got up and prowled around the bus. She squeezed into the tiny bathroom and looked at herself in the mirror. Maybe she needed to muss up her look a bit too. She was the typical girl next door with blonde hair and blue eyes and her look was a dime a
dozen. She liked the thought of some colored extensions hiding amongst her honey blonde hair and maybe a couple of braids with some colored beads or that cotton wrapped around it. She wished Darla were here with her, she would know exactly what Stevie needed.

  With a frustrated huff, Stevie stalked out of the bathroom and flopped back down on the bench seat. This was their first tour and here she was spending it in the bus while everyone else was out enjoying themselves. Maybe she should have gone to the bar with the girls. She laid down on the seat and picked up her phone scrolling through Facebook and Instagram.

  No. She wasn’t stalking Nate, although he did post some really beautiful pictures on his Instagram feed. She stopped on a photograph of sunset over the festival grounds where he was currently playing. It was poignant and lonely and expressed exactly how she felt.

  “Fucking hell Nadine!”

  Jace’s loud yelling woke Stevie from where she had fallen asleep in the bus. They were outside, but Jace’s voice was loud enough to penetrate the bus’s walls. Stevie sat up and stretched, not willing to get in between the siblings, especially when they were in full on fight-club mode.

  “What were you thinking? A fucking tattoo? Really?”

  Ah, so Jace had seen her tattoo.

  “I’m twenty-four Jace, not sixteen. Stop treating me like a child.”

  Stevie made her way down to the bunks and crawled into hers, pulling the curtain shut. Unfortunately it was on the same side as where Jace and Nadine were going at it.

  “Stop acting like a child then,” Jace spat.

  “You are not my father,” Nadine snapped back and an ominous silence fell between the two siblings.

  Stevie didn’t know the story of their parents. They never spoke about them and there were no pictures around the house of them with the people who had raised them.

  “Get. On. The. Fucking. Bus,” Jace gritted out, his voice low and dangerous.

  Stevie expected Nadine to come back with some smart mouth reply, but there was nothing. Stevie heard the door of the bus open and then the sound of three pairs of feet trouping up the stairs and moving about the cabin. Stevie didn’t make a sound. She had lived with the three siblings for a couple of years, but they all had their own space. At home there were frequent raised voices followed by slamming doors as they each retreated to their own rooms to cool off. The tour bus didn’t give them that luxury.