Songbird: Music & Lyrics Book 2 Page 6

  God. She was such an idiot. Even now, even when he was a bigger star than she was, she had treated his talent with contempt. She had seen him as lazy, as falling into his success without really trying. She’d seen him as robbing her of her chance at stardom. Yeah, his last couple of albums had been pure crap, but that second album? The one that he had written all by himself? That had been solid gold and if he’d had a little more confidence in who he was and what he was capable of, then he wouldn’t be where he was now. Did he even know how brilliant his new stuff was? Stevie didn’t think he did and if he didn’t know how exceptional his gift was, then he was bound to make the same mistakes all over again. She owed it to him to make sure he knew just what he held in his hands even if it meant that he would leave her behind again.

  Chapter Six

  Nate looked up from his guitar and gritted his teeth. Of course she was here and of course she was with him. He shook his head and looked back down at his fingers on the fret board trying to get his emotions under control. He and Court’n Jacks had already met with the music video producer and were scheduled to start shooting tomorrow. They were currently rehearsing for Nate’s festival set the next night. The festival didn't kick off until that evening, but already the campers had arrived and were setting up. And then she walked in.

  He could feel Stevie’s eyes on him and he refused to acknowledge her. He knew what she was going to say, but he didn't want to hear it. Yes, that was his mother, the mayor, and yes she was heading straight for them and if he could run, he would. What really stuck in his craw was that the senator was with her. Carson Giles. The man who had stolen Stevie from him. The man who he knew his mother wished was her son instead of Nate, the eternal fuck-up. Being a high school football coach would have pleased his parents, but what would have made them feel like he was actually part of their family and not some weird throw back was if he'd pursued a career in politics.

  “Let’s play it again from the top,” Nate said before his mother could interrupt their rehearsal.

  He strummed the opening chords of ‘Him.’ Appropriate, really, since Carson was there. Maybe if he ignored them, they would go away and he wouldn't have to see Stevie greet Carson with a kiss and he wouldn't have to witness his mother kissing his ass.

  He scowled as he sang, putting a lot more grit into the lyrics. He wanted the song to sound dark and dirty, just like how he felt right at this moment. The others picked up on the way he was leading the song and followed suit. Jace’s bass growled and Nadine’s violin snarled. He caught the sideways glances from Stevie as she picked the melody on her banjo, but he didn't look at her, not until the song finished.

  “I want to do it like that,” he said.

  “O-kay,” she agreed slowly.

  “I love that,” Nadine said, “we definitely have to do it like that.”

  “Nathaniel.”

  He bit down on his molars and took a fortifying breath before raising his head to look into his mother’s eyes. They were nothing like his. In fact, he wasn't just the odd one out personality wise, he was also the only one in the family who had blue eyes and light colored hair. Carson looked more like his own mother than Nate did. Maybe they were switched at birth. Their birthdays were only a couple of days apart, it was entirely possible that there was a mix up at the hospital and he went home with the wrong family. It would explain so many things.

  Except.

  Carson was an almost carbon copy of his own father and had more than a passing resemblance to his mother and sister. It was just a fantasy that he sometimes indulged in when he was a teenager. The dream that he wasn't really a Nash and that someday his real parents would come and find him.

  “Mother,” he finally replied. “I didn't expect to see you.”

  “Why ever not?” She asked with a haughty laugh. “I am the mayor and this is the biggest event the town sees. Of course I would be here.”

  Nice. Nothing about being there for him or because she wanted to see him or support his career. Not that he'd expected it of course. Nate had learned from a very young age never to pin his hopes on his mother's encouragement or pride.

  “Stevie, darling,” his mother turned her attention to the woman beside him. Joanna Nash loved Stevie, always had. Had loved her so much that she'd tried to set her up with one of Nate’s brothers.

  “Mayor Nash,” Stevie said politely accepting the air kiss with the familiarity of someone who knew Joanna Nash well.

  “Oh, please. You know I've asked you to call me Joanna.”

  Stevie made a noncommittal noise and turned to introduce her band. Curiously she hadn't said anything to Carson yet. Nate had expected a polite hello at the very least, especially after what he'd witnessed on that last night.

  “Mayor Nash, this is my band. Jace, Nadine, and Vanessa Court.”

  “Lovely to meet you,” Joanna said briskly. “And of course I don't need to introduce Carson to you.” Joanna smiled winningly like she knew a secret and Nate had to look away. He didn't want to know whatever it was that his mother was cooking up with Giles.

  “Stevie,” Carson said.

  “Carson,” she replied coolly.

  Nate looked between them. A lover’s tiff? That was interesting.

  “Was there something we can do for you mother?” Nate asked. “We still have another hour of rehearsals and your interruption is holding us up.”

  Joanna narrowed her eyes at him but he ignored the warning. He really didn't give a shit about appearances. She had ignored him for the better part of a decade because of his career choices, so she didn't get to dictate his behavior now.

  “I would like you all to join us for dinner tonight,” she said.

  “I don’t—”

  “We’d love to,” Stevie said, cutting him off.

  Joanna smiled at her like she was the sun and Nate barely reined in his temper. Fine. The band could go and break bread with the enemy, but there was no way he was going to.

  “Nate.” Stevie strode after Nate as he headed towards his trailer. They may not have been in each other’s lives for the last five years but it was obvious that his relationship with his mother hadn’t improved. “Come on, Nate,” she said, hustling to catch up to him. “Talk to me.”

  He stopped and slowly turned around, a sneer on his face. “What do you want me to say, Stevie?”

  “I want you to say whatever it is that you need to say. Rage at me about how much of a bitch your mother is or how you wish that you hadn’t come here. Anything. Just don’t bottle it up and let it eat away at you.”

  He dropped his head and rubbed the back of his neck with one of his hands, the other hand going to his hip. She stood in front of him expectantly, waiting for the vitriol to spew forth.

  He sighed and looked up at her. She almost took a step back when she saw the bleakness in his eyes. She’d expected hurt and anger, not that empty look. Her heart clenched and she swallowed. He looked so sad. He looked like he was across a great chasm and she couldn’t reach him.

  “Go back to your band, Stevie,” he said, his voice flat. “Go back to your boyfriend.”

  Stevie rocked back in shock at his words. “Boyfriend? What the hell Nate?”

  But he wasn’t listening. He was already striding away, his long legs eating up the well-worn track that would take him to where his trailer was parked. She hustled after him, double-timing her steps in order to catch him. If she didn’t get to him before he locked himself away in the trailer then she wouldn’t get any answers and that’s what she wanted now. Answers.

  She reached out and fisted a handful of his shirt as he put on foot on the step to his trailer. “We need to talk,” she said.

  He stopped but didn’t turn around. “The time for talking is done,” he said.

  “No,” she said, not releasing his shirt. “You owe me answers. It’s long past time you gave them to me.”

  He dropped his head and she heard him sigh. “Fine,” he growled and reached to open the door. “Come on in
and let’s chat.”

  Stevie followed him inside and he headed straight for the mini fridge. He took out two bottles of water and tossed one to her before sliding into the booth seat and resting his arms on the table.

  She took a sip of her water and then sat opposite him, eyeing him warily. This was not a Nate she was used to seeing. He didn’t do angry, he didn’t brood. Even as a teenager he was all smiles and jokes even when he was at his lowest. Seeing him like this unnerved her.

  “Why didn’t you come to the gig that night?” she asked.

  He took a long drink before answering. “I thought you’d be better off without me.”

  “What is that supposed to mean?”

  He shrugged a shoulder and didn’t answer.

  “That gig was important and not just for Court’n Jacks. It was important for you too.”

  He wouldn’t look at her.

  “Are you just going to sit there and not answer me? Because that is not going to work for me.” Stevie felt anger stir in her, but it wasn’t just anger, there was fear there as well. She didn’t like seeing Nate like this. Worry threaded through her as his non-response echoed loudly throughout the small space. “What did you mean when you told me to go back to my boyfriend? What boyfriend, Nate?”

  He looked at her then, his eyes full of fire and his mouth a tight, straight line.

  “I saw you,” he finally said, no emotion in his voice. “I fucking saw you.”

  Her forehead creased as she tried to work out what the hell he was saying. “Saw me what? When?”

  “That day,” he said. “On that last day I was downtown and I saw you. You were fucking kissing him. I know we hadn’t made any promises to each other but we did agree on not fucking other people while we were fucking each other.” His voice had gone hard and sharp and it stabbed at Stevie as she tried to understand the meaning behind his words.

  “Kissing? I don’t—”

  He stood abruptly and tossed his empty water bottle in the trash. “I saw the two of you together with my own fucking eyes, Stevie. And now he’s here and with, of all people, my own fucking mother.”

  “Carson? You’re talking about Carson?” she asked, standing and approaching him slowly from behind. She wanted to reach out and touch him, to feel all those muscles that were shifting under his shirt, under her hands. Her mind was reeling, trying to remember what had happened that day. She’d had lunch with Carson, he’d been late. He’d asked her to give him another chance and she had said no. She didn’t remember any kissing.

  “I had lunch with Carson,” she said softly.

  Nate snorted and gripped the edge of the little counter in the kitchenette, his knuckles going white.

  “He asked me to take him back, said we could work things out, that he didn’t want me to give to up my career.”

  She thought she heard Nate growl.

  “I said no, Nate. I turned him down. I’m not in love with him.”

  Nate stilled. Everything stilled like the world had frozen. She reached out slowly and laid a hand on his back, the warmth of his skin through the fabric burning her. She slid her hand up his back and took a step closer, laying her head between his shoulder blades. She could hear his heartbeat, hard and rapid. He swallowed and she snaked her other hand around his waist, plastering herself against his back.

  “I didn’t want him,” she whispered. “I wanted you.”

  The words tore through him like a surgeon’s scalpel. Stevie hadn’t wanted Carson, she’d wanted him. His own fucking insecurities had robbed him of that last night with her. What he’d seen wasn’t a lover’s kiss, but a kiss goodbye. He could see it in his mind’s eye, now that he had context.

  He spun around and gripped her upper arms, dragging her to him and lifting her so that her lips were level with his and then he kissed her. Hard. Her hands grabbed his shoulders, her strong fingers digging in to the flesh and the little stabs of pain drove him on. He devoured her. All the hunger and need that he had been burying with his performing and his endless jogging burst through him with bright blinding light until there was nothing but the two of them. She opened her mouth under his and his tongue delved in, tasting her, swallowing her moans greedily.

  He backed her up until the table pressed into her thighs and then he lifted her, sliding her onto the Formica top and muscling his way between her legs. They wrapped around his hips and pulled him closer until he could feel his erection snugged up against the heat of her. Her little denim skirt rode up and it was only the denim of his jeans and the cotton of her panties that separated them.

  His fingers burrowed into her hair and bobby pins scattered as he freed the heavy blonde silk from its confines. He tugged on her hair, tilting her head back so he could nip at her neck. He laved his tongue down the creamy column of her throat until he reached the hollow of her collarbones and he nipped at the muscle there, causing her arch into him. She tasted like sunshine and summer and he dragged in a big breath of her subtle floral scent.

  “Nate,” she whispered hoarsely.

  “Stevie,” he replied his voice barely a whisper as he breathed her in.

  The weeks they had been apart and been slowly eroding him. They had rubbed against him like sandpaper and he felt raw and tender. Having Stevie in his arms again soothed every ache and every hurt. She was like a balm that covered him, healing him. His need for her ripped through him with such ferocity that it left him breathless. Had he even realized how empty he was without her?

  He raised his head and took in the sight of her. Her eyelids were at half-mast and her blue eyes dark, the pupils blown wide with desire. Her lips were red and swollen from their kisses and her skin flushed with a rosy glow. She was stunning and he had been an idiot to walk away from her without finding out the truth of what he’d seen that day. He kissed her again. Long, slow, and deep. She was here with him, really here with him, really here in his arms just like she should have been all along. They could be together, they could make this work.

  The thought stopped him cold. He took a breath and disentangled himself from her taking a step back out of her reach.

  “Nate?”

  Stevie looked at him, trying to make sense of what was going on and if he was absolutely truthful with himself, he didn’t know what the hell he was doing.

  “Stevie,” he breathed, lifting his hands and rubbing his face trying to get his brain to start functioning again. “We can’t do this.”

  She scrambled off the table and straightened her skirt. She looked at him like he’d lost his goddamned mind and he was wondering the same thing himself. She had wanted him as much as he had wanted her, that much was obvious, but he knew it would be a mistake. Hooking up with her now would only confuse matters, as much as it killed him to admit it.

  “What the fuck, Nate?” she growled, anger taking over where lust had left off.

  He sighed and turned away from her. He leaned on the kitchen counter behind him, gripping the edge to stop himself from turning around and just saying ‘the fuck with it.’ God he wanted her, so much. His body was practically staging a revolt because he’d called a cease fire. Every nerve ending was raw and it wouldn’t take much for him to break and just do what his body yearned to do.

  The problem was, nothing had changed. He still hadn’t proved himself to her. He was still trying to find his feet in this new world and if he lost his momentum now their relationship would be doomed. He needed to find himself first. Only when he was confident in who he was would he be able to love her the way she deserved to be loved.

  “We can’t do this,” he said, turning back around to face her, “and it’s not because I don’t want to.” He exhaled roughly.

  “I don’t understand,” she said as she lifted her hands to her head like she was developing a headache. “Is this still about Carson?”

  He huffed out a laugh. “If only it were that simple.”

  “Then what? Why?”

  “Look at us,” he said, spreading his arms wide. “We
are going in different directions. You are about to become a star and I am barely hanging on to a failing career.”

  “Nate, no—”

  “Yes, Stevie, yes. Us getting tangled up together isn’t going to do either one of us any good.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?” she asked, anger snapping in her eyes.

  He sighed and looked at the ceiling trying to find the right words to say.

  “When I saw you with him…” he gritted his teeth as the memory of that day assaulted him. “When I saw you with Carson outside that restaurant it just about killed me. I was all set to re-sign with Rocksteady, to walk away from everything that we had begun to build together. But I couldn't do it. I couldn't go back to the man I was when I signed with Gina. I didn't want that life. I wanted you to be proud of me, I wanted to be worthy of you.”

  “Oh God, Nate—”

  “Shh. Let me finish. I rang Tom and asked him what I could do about my contract. The thought of Rocksteady getting their hands on those songs, it made me feel sick. Tom found the loophole and suddenly a weight was lifted off me. I knew what I had to do. I knew that if I was ever going to be worthy of you then I had to earn my success, I had to earn the second chance I had been given. I couldn't take it from you again. I didn't want our song to be about me, I wanted it to be about you and the others and the incredible talent that you all have. And I wanted to show you that I could do this on my own. I wanted to prove to you that I had changed.”

  “Oh, Nate.” His name on her lips wrenched at his heart.

  “I'm not that man yet,” he continued, trying to let her see into his very soul. “I'm not yet the man that you deserve.”

  “What do you mean? What does that mean?” Stevie’s face went white as she searched his eyes and it just about killed him. “Nate. Tell me. What do you mean?”