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  Gabe would tell her that the only way to change it would be for her to take the first step. But what if Vanessa turned her away? Could Nadine survive a rejection like that? She didn’t think she could. And it would be yet another thing that she had torn apart and destroyed. They would all be better off without her. Her siblings, the band, even Gabe.

  But Nadine was selfish. Just the thought of giving them all up stole her breath. It was like a physical pain in her heart. She loved them. Jace, Nadine, Stevie, even Nate. They were her family. And Gabe…? Gabe had gotten under her skin in such a way that she didn’t think she would ever be able to live without him.

  So, if she couldn’t give them up then she needed to fix it. She needed to undo the damage she had wrought and find a way back to them. With a deep breath Nadine opened the door. Her eyes widened as she saw Vanessa standing across the ensuite in the door of her bedroom.

  “Nessa?”

  “Nadine?”

  Nadine took the first step. And then they met in the middle. Nadine hugged her sister ferociously.

  “I couldn’t sleep,” she said against Vanessa’s hair.

  “Me either,” Vanessa replied.

  “Can I sleep with you?”

  “I was going to ask if I could sleep with you,” Vanessa said with a choked laugh/sob.

  “Let’s go to your room,” Nadine said.

  A tight knot in her gut loosened as she crawled into the bed beside her sister. Maybe it was possible to repair the damage after all.

  Chapter Eight

  Gabe didn’t think it would matter how many times he watched Nadine perform, he would never get enough of it. Seeing her on stage - even a rickety old stage in a run-down dive bar - was like seeing into her soul. It did things to him, made him feel things that he couldn’t put into words. When she was up on stage performing all of her carefully constructed walls fell down and the woman underneath was breathtaking. He wondered if she realized that, if she realized that she laid herself bare.

  He had been concerned when he met the band at the bus the night before. Nadine had been subdued, although she came to him willingly enough and stayed close to him the entire way. They had even shared a bunk - a ridiculously uncomfortable way to travel. He hoped that the upcoming tour had a bigger bus but Nadine had just chuckled at him when he’d voiced that thought aloud. She did tell him that he would have his own bunk.

  Jace hadn’t been too thrilled to see him. Nadine’s brother had given him a narrowed glance and had kept shooting glares his way as the bus sped down the highway. Gabe thought he was going to have an apoplexy when Nadine dragged him into her bunk. Still, nearly twenty-four hours later, the guy still hadn’t said more than two words to him. That was fine with Gabe. He was here for Nadine and didn’t really care what anyone else thought.

  Gabe turned his attention back to the stage as Stevie announced their last song. A single guitar began to play. The rest of the band melted into the background as a single spotlight stayed on Stevie and then Nate as he walked out onto the stage. Gabe recognized the song, but didn’t think it was one of Court’n Jacks’. He watched as Stevie started to cry and then the words of the song penetrated his brain. Nate was proposing. With a song. Gabe cheered with the rest of the crowd when Stevie kissed him, cutting off the song. The rest of the band had picked up the melody and continued to play in the background with Jace taking over the lyrics as Nate and Stevie kissed and murmured their love to one another in front of the whole crowd.

  His eyes went to Nadine - he couldn’t help it - and she was looking right at him. It may have been the lights but it looked like there were unshed tears in her eyes and it was like a punch in the gut. He had never seen Nadine cry, not once. In all their therapy sessions when she had told him in a clinical voice about her childhood, about losing her parents, about the way her aunt had tried to poison her against her mother and father, not once had she teared up. Seeing her watching the love between Stevie and Nate and seeing her reaction to it was like another clue to the complex person that was Nadine Court. He wanted to give her that - what Stevie and Nate had. He wanted to be the man who proved to her that she was worthy of love. He wanted to be the man she looked at the way Stevie looked at Nate.

  He was moving before he realized it. There was a small backstage area - not much bigger than a closet really - and that’s where he headed. He wanted to be the first thing she saw when she came off the stage. He wanted to fold her into his arms and hold her tight and let her know through his actions just how much he was beginning to feel for her. It was too early to tell her he loved her but he could show her.

  As the band moved off stage, Nadine headed right for him as if she could read his mind. He wrapped his arms around her as she burrowed into his chest and he swallowed thickly. This wasn’t about sex or the crazy chemistry they had between them. This was something a hell of a lot more potent and potentially devastating. So many things could go wrong. Hearts could be broken - fragile hearts that may never be able to be put back together. He’d never really felt such an all-consuming emotion before. He’d had girlfriends before, women he had been fond of, but nothing like the storm of feeling that swirled within him right now. There was nothing polite or stable about how he felt about this woman.

  The congratulatory chatter of the rest of the band penetrated the thick fugue his brain was in and he loosened his arms around Nadine - not letting her go, but allowing her to move so that she could congratulate the happy couple too. Gabe shook Nate’s hand and brushed a kiss on Stevie’s cheek, but he didn’t let go of Nadine. He couldn’t, not yet. He needed the contact with her to keep him grounded. Nadine didn’t protest, her need to be close to him was evident in the way she gripped his hand.

  Gabe was likely to freak out if he let himself analyze what was happening. He had never truly believed that emotions this big were possible or healthy. His whole life had been about moderation and the steadiness that came with being in control of emotions and thoughts and behaviors. When his patients had spoken about being overwhelmed by the way they felt for another person, he had brushed it off as infatuation or obsession. Was that what he was feeling now? Obsession? It didn’t feel like that. It didn’t feel destructive like obsession was, although he did sense a vein of something a little dangerous running through it. Like an adrenalin rush from driving too fast or that weird high from riding a rollercoaster.

  Nadine tilted her head up to him as the rest of the band moved away. He could see the storm of emotions swirling in her eyes just as she could probably see it in his. He let her see everything he was feeling. She needed to know that this thing between them wasn’t one-sided. He dropped his head and kissed her. A soft brush of lips and the silky caress of a tongue. The kiss was gentle despite the raging need inside him. They had a long trip back on the bus and no privacy for him to show her the extent of what he was feeling, so a kiss would have to suffice. But when they got back to Nashville he intended to be a lot more thorough in his non-verbal communicating.

  The bus ride back was sweet torture. They had sat up and talked with the band, celebrating Nate and Stevie’s engagement, until the early hours of the morning before finally retiring to their bunks. Nadine snuggled close to Gabe, needing to be near him, to touch him. Her emotions were riding high after watching Nate lay it all out in public for Stevie. Everyone knew they were a couple, but their story hadn’t been smooth sailing. Seeing them finally take that step of committing their lives to one another was so…satisfying and the happy ever after that Nadine craved for her own life.

  Derek had broken the news to the band about Gabe joining them on tour and thankfully Jace hadn’t caused too much of a problem. In fact he hadn’t said anything, just brooded silently shooting the two of them dark looks. A small part of Nadine had hoped to finally break through the shell that Jace had built around himself. She hated this weird, stilted peace that was between them. What she wouldn’t give for a good screaming match just like they used to have. If only he could let go and yell
at her it would make her feel better - like clearing out the pipes. There was so much unsaid between them and she knew that if they could just have a good fight that things might actually go back to being the way they were.

  She dozed with her head on Gabe’s chest, the sound of his steadily beating heart in her ear. Being with him calmed her - to some extent. It calmed her mind but at the same time he lit her body up. Being so close to him and not being able to touch him the way she wanted was tough, but also built the anticipation. It had been days since they had come together with nothing but naked skin between them and she craved his touch. The sweet kisses and the way he kept his arms wrapped around her only made her need for him grow.

  The bus finally pulled up behind Dre Studios and Nadine said her goodbyes to the band. It was mid-morning and she was beat, but sleep was the last thing on her mind. Gabe must have felt the same way because he hurried them to his car and then they were headed to his apartment. They didn’t talk, but they did touch. She kept her hand on his thigh and he covered it with his own hand when he wasn’t changing gears. The journey seemed to take forever but then they were there. Barely able to keep their hands off one another, they took the elevator to his apartment and then they were alone and locked behind the privacy of his front door. He backed her up against the door and slammed his lips down on hers in a desperate kiss that curled her toes and fogged her brain.

  “I need you Gabe,” she murmured against his mouth as she fumbled with his clothes. She needed to get to the skin underneath.

  He picked her up and she wrapped her legs around his waist. He walked them to the bedroom and lay her down on the bed. She didn’t wait for him to gaze longingly at her, she needed him and her patience was running out fast. Thankfully he understood and pulled his shirt up over his head before dropping his jeans and kicking them off. Meanwhile Nadine wriggled out of her own clothes until she was gloriously naked and then reached for him. He came willingly, their mouths fusing together as their naked skin finally touched.

  Being with Gabe like this was like being on stage - she didn’t feel any need to hide. In her everyday life she liked to hide behind the walls she’d built, but when she was on stage all that fell away. Her music was her truth and now apparently so was Gabe. He was her other half and not in the cheesy way that married couples joked about. She literally felt whole when he was with her like this. It was the same feeling she got when she played her violin. It was a sense of belonging. It was honest and raw and she knew that there was no artifice or hidden agendas. Gabe didn’t hide from her either. When he looked at her his soul was laid bare before her and she saw his vulnerabilities along with his strengths. Strengths that complimented her weaknesses and vice versa. She had never even dreamed that she would find someone who fit her so completely.

  Gabe slid down her body, worshiping her. He kissed and suckled and licked. Her skin flushed with desire and need. Her hands wove through his hair and she abandoned herself to the sensations as he loved her. He knew her body intimately even though they had only been together for a short time. He read her reactions like she was a sheet of music. He played her body with the same skill that she played the violin and she couldn’t help but follow where he led.

  When finally he entered her and joined them as close as any two people could get, she was already half way to her second orgasm. It wasn’t enough though. She didn’t think it would ever be enough. This man made her want more than she had ever dared to dream. But not only that, he made her believe that she could have it, that she was worthy of love and a life with someone who loved her unconditionally. Seeing the love that had been between her parents and the way it had destroyed her father, she had promised herself that she wouldn’t ever let herself fall like that. When she began to suspect that she was just like her mother, she vowed to never do to a man what her mother had done to her father. But now. Now that she was experiencing the irrational, overwhelming and completely wonderful feelings of being in love, she didn’t think she could walk away. Finally she understood why her mother had stayed even when she knew she was destroying her family. And she finally understood why her father had let her.

  Gabe rolled over and the warm body beside him brought him fully awake. He had been dreaming of her. Nadine. It didn't matter that they had spent the entire time since they had gotten back to his apartment gorging on each other, he still wasn't satisfied. The brush of her hair against his chest had his cock hardening and the way her bottom fit snugly into the cradle of his hips as he spooned her just fed his desire.

  Gabe gently rocked his hips into her and she sighed, pushing back against him. He swept her hair from her shoulder and nuzzled her neck, breathing in her scent and his as they mingled on her skin. His hand found her breast and he cupped it, using his thumb to brush over the already hard nipple. She moaned and his erection hardened.

  Nadine parted her thighs, hooking a leg over his hip and opening herself up to him. His cock slid through her wet folds in a silky glide that had them both gasping. It would be easy to throw caution to the wind and slide into her with nothing between them, just naked flesh on naked flesh. And as much as his body wanted to do exactly that, his mind wouldn't compromise her. They hadn't had the discussion about birth control or recent testing, so with a muttered curse he rolled over to grab a condom, tearing the wrapper with his teeth and sheathing himself. He rolled back towards Nadine, dragging her leg back over his hip as he pushed into her.

  “Gabe,” she moaned, his name a prayer on her lips as he thrust into her.

  He took his time using long, slow thrusts. He tilted his hips so that he could feel every inch of her as he pressed in to her. His fingers coasted down her body until he found her hard clit poking out of her slick hood. Her hand covered his and pressed, forcing his fingers into her folds to give her the friction she needed. He loved that about her, that she wasn't afraid to ask for what she wanted, what she needed in the bedroom.

  Gabe levered himself up on his elbow, changing the angle so that he could thrust deeper, harder. Nadine rocked back into him, matching his strokes and pressed harder against his hand as he played with her clit. He felt her stiffen and her cry broke the silence of the room as she came.

  Without withdrawing, he rolled her on to her stomach and then lifted her hips so she was on her knees. He gripped her waist and doubled his pace as he pounded into her chasing his own orgasm. She clenched around him, gripping him tightly. He closed his eyes as sensation swamped him. His balls tightened and thrust deep as his climax hit him. He panted through the pleasure, rocking into her as she continued to spasm around him.

  Every time. Every single fucking time she made him feel like a god dammed king. The way her body responded to him, the way they just seemed to fit together like they were created for each other. How would he ever get enough of her? How would he ever survive without her?

  He pulled out slowly and rolled them back on their sides so that he was spooning her again. The condom was full and he really should get up and deal with it but he didn't want to leave her. Not yet. He nuzzled her neck, kissing her lightly as his hands skimmed over her flushed skin.

  She rolled over to face him and he dropped his head to kiss her. He went slow, savoring the taste of her on his lips. Her hands went into his hair and held him close as she opened to him, her tongue gliding against his.

  He wanted to tell her how he felt, but the words eluded him. One little word with four simple letters was not enough to explain the breadth and depth of the way he felt about her. The ancient Greeks had the right idea. They had more than one word to express love. That's what he needed now.

  She looked up at him and in the dim light he could read his own emotions mirrored in her blue eyes. She felt it too, this connection they had. It gave him some measure of comfort to know that he wasn't in this alone. He didn't think that even his sister - who seemed to know everything before he did - could understand just what was building between them.

  Nadine closed her eyes and burrowed into th
e crook of his neck. She fit there like a missing puzzle piece. He cupped the back of her head and dragged his fingers through the long, silky strands of her hair. They didn't need words to explain this thing between them. They didn't need words because their bodies seemed to understand, their hearts understood and even their minds knew. Words were superfluous when every other part of them knew that they were meant for each other.

  He sighed and closed his eyes, taking a deep breath and giving over to the contentment he felt. What ever happened from this point forward, nothing could spoil this absolutely perfect moment. She was imprinted on his heart and mind and some way, somehow, they were going to make this work.

  Chapter Nine

  Nadine walked into the coffee shop and stood in line to order her coffee. There were so many things going through her brain that she felt like she was operating on autopilot. It had been a week since the gig at the Red Boot and she had spent almost every night with Gabe. Her days were spent in the studio but her nights were all about him. Today was a rare day to herself and she felt like she was bursting at the seams with music and lyrics.

  “Skinny latte,” she said to the cashier and then stepped to the side to wait for her order.

  How was it that when one part of her life was falling apart, another part of her life was soaring? It had happened in the summer too. Her professional career was skyrocketing and her personal life was falling apart. Now her family was fracturing but her relationship with Gabe was better than she could have ever dreamed.

  Why couldn't everything be in balance, just once in her life?

  Nadine’s coffee order was called and she smiled at the server as she took the cup and made her way over to a corner booth. She sat down and pulled out her Moleskine notebook and a pen. The need to pull out all the confusing thoughts from her brain had led her here to the coffee shop whenever she had a free moment. It was the only way to quiet her mind and make sense of the way Gabe made her feel. Being around him was all-consuming.