Songbird: Music & Lyrics Book 2 Page 9
He stomped into his trailer and headed for the shower. Cold water was what he needed. It was as hot as Satan’s ass, which was not helping the frustration he was feeling. Nate stripped out of his clothes and stood under the cool spray trying desperately to get his thoughts and his body under control. It was easy to forget his plan and to just let the lust takeover, but he wanted more than that with Stevie. She was not just a quick lay that he could walk away from and forget her name the next day. The woman was under his skin and the scary thought was that she had been under his skin for most of his life, only he hadn’t realized it.
He soaped his body up and gripped his aching cock. His thoughts went to yesterday and the way he had wanted to spread Stevie out on the little table in his trailer. She would have looked so beautiful; her lips plump and pink from his kisses, her clothes in disarray, her hair spread out wildly around her. He groaned a stroked himself to the image. There was something so intoxicating about her. He remembered the way she used to look up at him with her lust-filled eyes, her cheeks flushed with desire. And the sounds she made when he touched her. That little noise in the back of her throat when he took a nipple into his mouth, the long, low moan when he entered her, and the way she cried out his name as she came. His memories of their time together in Nashville were never far away.
His strokes got faster and he leaned against the wall of the shower stall. The cold water was supposed to have taken the edge off, but he was too far gone. He needed the release or there was no way he was going to get through tonight. He missed the sweet scent of her skin, the softness of it. He loved that under all that creamy skin she had strength and supple muscles. He was endlessly fascinated with the way she quivered under his touch. He had been with a lot of women, but with Stevie it was like discovering the joy of sex all over again. Before her it had become some sort of transaction. He needed an escape and the woman, whoever she was, wanted to tick off some fantasy list - I slept with a rock star. Being with Stevie was different, it wasn’t just an act that he did with his body to relieve an ache. With Stevie it was a holistic experience - body, mind, and spirit.
He felt his balls draw up and tighten as his orgasm gained traction. He imagined her here in his shower kneeling between his knees and looking up at him as she slid the hard length of him into her mouth. God what he wouldn’t give right now for that to be reality. He could just imagine how it would feel to push his cock between those plump lips, to have her blue eyes looking up at him, her lashes starred with drops of water. He closed his eyes and pumped his hand as he lost himself to the fantasy. He grunted as he came, his dick pulsing as he ejaculated into his hand. He sagged against the wall of the shower and felt… loss. He wanted Stevie. He wanted her more than he had wanted anything in his life, even his career, but the timing was shit. He needed to wait.
How would their lives have been different if he’d been attracted to Stevie when they were younger? Would he have still taken Gina’s offer if the two of them had had an intimate relationship? He would like to think that he would’ve said no, but he wasn’t sure that he could have turned it down. He had been too young and immature. Too hurt by his parents’ disapproval and too determined to prove them wrong. Gina’s offer had seemed like a godsend at the time. He had never really believed his own press but he had made bold claims to his parents and he needed to show them that they were wrong about him. Even if deep inside he believed they were right. And that was the rub. He’d had to prove something to himself as well. He’d had to prove that he could make it without Stevie or he would’ve always thought that their success was solely because of her.
He shut off the water and climbed out of the stall. He dried off quickly and then walked through the trailer to his bed with just a towel around his waist. He closed the bedroom door and stripped off the towel, lying down on the bed naked. An afternoon nap was what he needed before the gig tonight.
Singing with Stevie again was like putting on his favorite jeans. There was something about the two of them making music that just felt right. They had done a couple of cut down gigs before going on tour, but the set they were doing that night was just like old times, only better. They gelled as a group and Nate felt more comfortable playing with Court’n Jacks than he ever had playing with his stage band. It was comfortable and yet exciting at the same time. A feeling of being at home and on an adventure. Nate didn't try to analyze it too much, he just wanted to soak it up and enjoy it.
They had done a couple of his new songs and then they did ‘One Summer Night,’ a song that had been a favorite with the locals and the one they had performed for the Apple Orchard Festival all those years ago. It sounded better now; they had both grown as musicians and performers and the rest of the band had rounded out the sound. The crowd had loved it. The crowd had loved everything they had done during their set, which was the ego boost that Nate needed. He’d been beginning to think that he couldn't win back the fans he had lost.
When the crowd quieted, he began to strum the opening to ‘Him.’ It was a powerful ballad and it now had more meaning to him than it ever had in the past. Stevie had written it when they were still a duo and he'd always sung the hell out of it, but tonight there was more of his heart in it.
I see you at a party,
All dressed to impress.
I see the way you’re laughing
The way you toss your hair
I clench my fists and grit my teeth
I swallow down another drink
It should be me standing there with you
It should be me making you laugh
It should be me with my hands all over you
But it's not me
It's him
Seeing her with Carson, thinking they were together had made this song personal. Even now, after knowing the truth, he still couldn't rid himself of the jealousy. His own mother had tried to set them up just the other night and Nate knew that somewhere in the audience, Carson was standing there thinking of ways to win Stevie back. The cocktail of emotions that he was feeling poured into his voice making it more husky, more growly. Stevie watched him from beneath lowered lashes and when her voice joined with his he could hear her heart in it too. Was this how she felt when she had seen him with other women? Tom said that she'd been in love with him since they were teenagers. Had she written this song because of the way she felt then?
Oh fuck. She had. And he hadn't known it. All the times they sang it together she had been trying to tell him how she felt and he had never even noticed. He did not deserve this woman. How was it that she was here with him now? He had hurt her far more than he had ever realized. Taking Gina’s contract was only the last straw that broke the camel’s back. He had been hurting her almost daily before that and yet she had stood by him through it all and he had been totally oblivious.
The song ended and his throat felt tight. Stevie’s eyes glistened and he suspected that they were unshed tears. Maybe she had been remembering all those times he hurt her too. He was such a fucking asshole. He continually whined about his parents’ ambivalence towards him and he had treated Stevie the same way. He had taken her for granted and then walked away from her without looking back.
He bent down to pick up the bottle of water at his feet and chugged it while the crowd applauded. They were up to the last song on the run sheet. The song that was currently charting and had brought him and Stevie back together. He had written ‘No Good For Me’ for her but it was only now that he realized it was about him. He was the man in the song that was no good for her. He thought he'd been writing it about Carson, but Carson could give her the world. Nate was the one that would pull her down if he got too close to her. He was like poison, the bad apple that spoiled the barrel, the wrench that ruined the works. He always had been. He had ruined his parents’ perfect record, he had ruined Stevie’s chances at stardom and he had even ruined his own career when he'd tried to make it on his own.
The reality of what he had to do sat heavy in his stomach and made it hard
to sing. It didn't matter how far he ran or how much he tried to change, the fact was that he was the bad penny. If he loved Stevie, and he really did, then he needed to stay away from her. As much as she felt like his salvation, he couldn't taint her new life like he had her old one. She would be much better off if he just stayed clear. Her career was just starting to take off and Nate wanted to see her soar. He was a dead weight that would hold her back and he needed to cut her loose.
The cheers and screams from the crowd barely registered with him as they finished the set and bowed. They left the stage, Nate in a fugue. The others danced around him with excitement, but he just felt empty. He was a hollowed out husk as he understood the far reaching effects of the revelation he had just had. The dream of making a comeback and then finding Stevie and finally having a life together would never happen. He would only ruin her life just as he ruined everything else.
Chapter Ten
The adrenalin coursed through Stevie’s body. She was still getting used to performing to such big crowds and tonight had been one of the biggest so far. She knew that there were bigger to come and the thought of it sent excitement rushing through her veins.
Performing had always been a rush. There was a high that came from entertaining a crowd. The energy from all those people gathered seeped into Stevie and she drank it in greedily. This was like that only on steroids. It had never been this acute when it was just her and Nate. Sure, there was a rush, but it never felt so physical. Right at this moment as the cries of the crowd were still washing over her, her blood felt like it was on fire and her skin felt alive.
They came off stage and Marci corralled them. Stevie could see the same itchy energy in each of her band mates; they were feeling it too. Marci was saying something about a meet-and-greet, but Stevie barely heard her, let alone understood what she was saying. She looked around searching for… she didn't even know what it was she was looking for until her eyes landed on Nate.
Nate was standing off to the side with Mabel and Wade. Mabel was talking at a mile a minute, but Nate did not seem to be listening to a word. Stevie watched him with a hunger that was new and all consuming. She hadn't felt this way since that night in the studio. Oh she'd felt the lusty attraction to Nate pretty much every time she was in his vicinity, but this powerful animalistic need was something completely different. Was this how Nate had felt after every performance? Is this why he had slept with anything with a pulse?
Marci started moving them towards a catering tent. The need to be with Nate stretched as they moved farther away and it felt like a rubber band connecting the two of them. Nate hadn't looked up, he hadn't sought her out with his eyes, but she could feel his answering need like a physical punch to the gut. The last thing she was in the mood for right now was meeting fans. There was a wave of angry irritation that flowed over her. She tamped it down. Fans were more important than satisfying her urge to ride Nate like he was a bucking bronco. She could do that after the meet-and-greet, she just needed to get through the next half an hour. Besides, Nate had his own meet-and-greet to deal with.
Marci sat them at a long table and gave them each a bottle of water and a Sharpie. Stevie swallowed the water greedily. She was sweaty and gross but no one seemed to care. The line to meet the band was long and it was a new thing for them as a band. So far the tour had been all about Lily; the fans were there to see Lily and Court’n Jacks were just there to warm the crowd. They hadn't done many signings and none had been this full of fans.
Stevie was surprised by the number of men waiting. She didn't really picture men as groupies, that delightful moniker was usually assigned to eager females with big boobs and not much clothing. They had a few of them in the crowd too - Jace was a good-looking guy - but there were a whole lot of other ‘normal’ looking people too. And men. Lots and lots of men… more by the minute.
Stevie tilted her head to look at Vanessa and Nadine. They were both too enthralled with the sight of the crowd to catch her eye, but it looked like Nadine, at least, had noticed the man flesh. Did guys always go to concerts without their shirts or was that a festival thing? She shot a look to Jace, but he was no help. Something else had his attention and Stevie turned to see what he was so enamored by. A busty blonde with bedroom eyes and a tank top that gave a good look at her assets was giving Jace the ‘come hither’ look. She was going to eat him up and spit him out. Stevie felt like she should warn him, but the line started moving and people started shoving things in front of her to sign.
Stevie signed her name on programs, album covers (what a rush to see their album in the flesh), t-shirts, and a lot of naked man-chests. That was weird, writing your name on someone’s body. Of course she'd heard about women who got stars to sign their boobs - and Jace had a fair share of that - but it was still odd. How do you keep an autograph when it is on your body?
The fans also gave them lots of gifts. Teddy bears and flowers and hand-drawn pictures of the band. Marci took them all so that they didn't hold up the line and Stevie made a mental note to have a look at each and every one of them later. She never wanted to forget her fans, they were the reason she had this opportunity after all.
It wasn't just gifts she was given either. Phone numbers, lots of phone numbers were passed to her and always with a suggestive wink or heated gaze. Did these guys really think that she would give them a call? Did they think she would just pick one of them to take back to her bus? She looked down the line to Vanessa and Nadine and saw that they were getting phone numbers too, only they looked like they might take some of these boys up on their offers.
It was sobering to have men throw themselves at her. Stevie had never really been popular, had never really been the type of girl that got a lot of attention from boys. This was kind of insane. She could only imagine how much attention Nate had gotten at the height of his career. He would have just had to snap his fingers and he could have any number of women enthusiastically filling his bed. And he would get that again.
She thought knowing that would cool her ardor for him, but it didn't. A possessiveness rose up inside her and she wanted to scratch the eyes out of anyone who went near him. She kept signing furiously. She needed to get to him, needed to touch him and mark him with her kisses. She needed to rub her scent on his body as a warning to the other women that he was not available. She couldn't let him finish his tour knowing that he would be filling his bed with faceless women every night. He needed to know that she wanted him, he needed to know that in her mind he was hers and she didn't want anyone else to have him.
Nate slammed the door of his trailer and stripped off his sweaty shirt. He hadn't had a meet-and-greet that insane for a while and it left him feeling dirty. Had the fans always been so forward? He supposed they had. The difference tonight was that he didn't want some groupie in his bed. There was only one woman he wanted and he couldn't have her.
Nate undid his fly and pulled his jeans off. The door to the trailer opened and he was just about to give Mabel an earful when he looked up to see that it wasn't Mabel. He had a fleeting worry that some fan had followed him, but the long blonde hair and blue eyes that greeted him were more familiar than any fan. Stevie.
He stood there in his boxer briefs as her eyes ate him up hungrily. An answering hunger rose in him and before he could process what was happening, their bodies slammed together and his mouth found hers. He filled his hands with her firm ass as his lips and tongue devoured her. He felt the sharp sting of her nails as they dug into his bare flesh and he groaned with need. He lifted her against him and she wrapped her legs around him, grinding her pelvis into his already hard cock. He broke the kiss and exhaled a harsh hiss at the contact.
Stevie took the opportunity to latch onto his neck and suck. She sunk her teeth in and he knew it would leave a mark but he didn't care. He relished the feel of her against him, the way her femininity moulded around his maleness. Her soft breasts with their diamond hard tips pressed into his chest and her heels dug into his ass, urging him forwar
d into the cradle of her hips. He could feel the warmth of her core through her clothes and his gut clenched with need. He felt like he was starving and Stevie was the only one who could sate his hunger.
Her busy hands delved into his hair and pulled his head down to hers. She nipped and bit at his lips and her feral need amped up his own. God he wanted her. His body screamed to rid them of their clothes until there was nothing but skin and no barrier left between him and sinking deep into her.
“Fuck me Nate,” she growled and his cock jumped enthusiastically.
Reason invaded the powerful bubble of lust. The good guy he had been trying to grow inside him raised his head and told Nate to stop. He wanted to punch that guy to make him shut up, but he couldn't ignore him. With Herculean effort, he disentangled himself from Stevie and took a few steps away from her, his body mourning the loss of her.
Her eyes were wild as she looked at him and he understood her confusion. Every cell inside him was clamoring to lose their collective mind in her, but he knew it would be wrong. He couldn't lead her on like this. He needed to make a clean break from her, for both their sakes.
“What the hell, Nate?”
Stevie looked furious and bewildered and there was nothing he wanted more than to pull her back into his arms and finish what they started.
“We can't do this,” he said and it took great effort to form the words.
Her eyes widened wildly. “What?”
“This,” Nate said indicating the two of them with a wave of his hand. “We can't do this.”
“Why the hell not?”
He sighed and ran a hand through his hair, tugging on the ends to try and remember the reasons that this was wrong. “Stevie,” he pleaded, “we went through all this yesterday. We can’t do this, not now. Not yet.”